B.haven has her first birthday!

My little, tiny shop turned one earlier this month and I almost didn't notice! I'd like to say that it was because I was sooooo busy filling orders and creating artwork, but that simply isn't the case. No one wants to read about sadness and heartbreak over and over, so I'll spare you. Let's just say, my mind has been elsewhere. (click here if you REALLY want to know - WARNING: it's kind of heartbreaking)

The idea behind b.haven seemed simple: create fun stuff in my head, buy materials, make the stuff, sell the stuff and rejoice in being one of the lucky ones who gets to what she loves and make a living. I would use eco-responsible materials, never buy fabric from China, purchase as many things from local businesses as possible, make EVERYTHING by hand, and donate a good percentage of my profits to a different charity every month. I would work harder than anyone else ever has at something like this, and get better with every print. I would have wholesalers lining up for my splendid ideas and do a fair amount of custom work. I would make people smile...

Yes, I was naive. Yes, I knew that I was being naive, but until proven otherwise, I saw no reason to worry about what I didn't know. What I didn't know...wow, it was/is a crazy long list! I am not feeling sorry for myself here (usually a signal that one is about to feel sorry for themselves), but I do believe there are things you may want to know if you are contemplating doing something like this. Here's what I've learned:

• Taxes kill me. Of the money coming in, about 40% of that goes just for local, state and federal taxes. For example, I pay sales tax on the materials I need to make the things I sell. I sell those things, and then I pay sales tax on the things I've sold. Hmmm, that kind of sucks. 

• My prices are too low. Geez. I really wanted to make my work accessible to folks who may not have "extra" cash to spend on items that make them happy. While great in theory, I'm now struggling with low cash flow. Low cash flow (i.e. I have no money until I sell something) means I cannot afford to buy materials enough to solicit wholesalers, who typically buy in larger quantities. Plus, I am hard pressed to offer much in the way of a wholesale discount, because I'm at bare bones pricing as it is. (Insert the action of my slapping my forehead with my palm here.) I will never be able to sell my items for the same price as those items that are mass-produced or made in China. Why did I think I had to compete in that market, you ask? Because that is what you buy, silly pants! Think about it.

• I underestimated shipping costs. I HATE paying shipping when I purchase things online so I wanted to keep my shipping costs low. While yes, the shipping costs are accurate, they do not reflect the box, packing material, tape, and the time it takes for me to trek to the post office. I lose "profit" on nearly everything I ship. Especially if I send it overseas.

• I am the only one. Kind of funny that this was some big revelation, but you don't realize what that truly means until you are living it. If I don't do something, it does not get done. Things fall through the cracks (like buying toilet paper for the studio), and end up accumulating into a seemingly insurmountable mass of menial tasks. No, I would not rather take out the trash than draw, print, experiment, and produce, but who else will do it? If I forget a follow-up call, there is no one else to blame (geez, I hate that).

I still love creating the things I do. I love the fairs I've attended and the shops I've sold in. I do not love the business of the business. If I had my way, I would give away everything I make to anyone who likes it. Why, do I have so little value for my things, you ask? No, absolutely not. If I can brighten your day with what comes out of my head and hands, I'm crazy happy! 

So, a balance is needed. I've gone over my budget with a fine-toothed comb...uh, make that a fine-tipped pen, and it looks like I will have raise my prices a smidge. The only other major place I can trim costs is in taxes. I think I will request an itemized list of items that my tax dollars go for, and then cross off the things I don't want to contribute too. Think that will work?


Always learning the hard way,
Ms.b.haven

p.s. And yes, I am now grooming dogs a couple of days a week to make end's meet. There's no place for ego in entrepreneurship. :)

The Worst That Can Happen - a sad post

So you go about your day, paying bills, making dinner, worrying about things, etc. Then something happens. When "something" happens, I always envision the very worst, mentally prepare for it, and let it go, knowing I can handle it...with a few exceptions.

To me, the absolute Worst That Can Possibly Happen is seeing one of my loved ones struggle or in pain, knowing there is nothing I can do. This scrapes away all the daily b.s. and hits me right at my core. 

My daddy's cancer is trying to kill him, painfully and without any mercy. And there is nothing I can do about it. 

Those that know me well, know what my daddy means to me. He's a good man, a hard worker, pure of heart, and simple in his needs. If he can, he will help those that need it, and sometimes those that don't. He's a strong-willed man, but not overbearing in the slightest. He brings light and joy to those that have the pleasure to know him. The sheer amount of people that love him is overwhelming. He's been my model and mentor on how to live a good life -- one of strength, love, goodwill, and happiness. 

Now this evil thing, Cancer, is taking him away. Slowly, painfully, and without any consideration of how good he is. I'm helpless and heartbroken. Watching him struggle with the pain and realization that he may not be able to conquer this thing, is about to break me into little, tiny pieces, and causes me to wonder if I am truly as strong as I believed I was. I go back and forth between being overwhelmingly inspired at how many people truly love him -- a testament to a well-lived life -- and bitter with the thought that to Cancer, it simply doesn't matter. I struggle to find any measure of comfort and go from wanting to collect people that love me together and hear their kind words, and wanting to wall myself off in a dark, little hole and speak to absolutely no one. 

He sent me home and I know why. He doesn't want to be the cause of my pain, and knows that I need to get back to my daily routine in order to prove to myself that my life will go on, regardless. I'm not sure how I feel about it -- guilty or relieved? There IS nothing I can do but look at him and ask, "can I do anything?" if I were there, both of us knowing there isn't. Who wants to be looked at with eyes filled with pain all the time? I understand. 

My love for my father goes beyond blood. It's an honest respect, an admiration, a deeply felt gratitude that he has made me a better person, a stronger person, and one with instinctual and practiced goodness. 

It's insulting to me that life goes on, that bills have to be paid, that my young business needs attention to grow. I'm really trying to get past this resentment and care. Really. But you will have to forgive me if I'm lax in this area. I'm struggling in the most basic of ways. I'm simply heartbroken. 

Ms.b.haven

Training for Spring

Surprise Stadium, Kansas City Royals Spring Training, Surprise, AZ, 03/02/2013.
 And what's a game without peanut shells in your flipflops?

The Budweiser Clydesdales
were at the game!
They always make me happy.

My New Year's resolution of blogging more often has fallen away and I don't feel the slightest bit guilty about it. Sorry. I know I should, but geez, with the way things have been going lately, something had to give!

I went to Arizona this weekend. My hubby's job took him there last week. C (my beloved stepson) and I joined him on Friday to stay the weekend. A more perfect weekend could not have been planned. The weather was gorgeous, the actual trip there uneventful. And as those of you who have traveled to/from North Dakota in the winter, that was a true miracle! 

We only had two days but we managed to do most of my all-time favorite springtime things - spring training with the KC Royals (they won) and going to the racetrack (I won). A bunch of hubby's family from Kansas, Missouri, Washington, and California were there too, making the trip even better. 

And then it was over. Landing in Bismarck did not disappoint by being the polar (ha!) opposite of Phoenix - snow, wind, and cold. All the issues I had left here, were STILL here and my crankiness returned. And then I looked around with the same eyes I had viewed the newness and beauty of the desert with. And saw beauty.

Not the same beauty, but beauty, nonetheless. The issues I had left now have fresh eyes, and my heart KNOWS the sun still exists and will show up when she's ready. My feet still know how to wear flipflops, my eyes can still see when the sun is out for the entire day. I can still function with a single layer of clothing. My lethargy and depression can be wiped away simply by changing my outlook and refocusing on the beauty and good of my life, rather than the seemingly insurmountable problems that I tend to create in my head. 

Some say that a spring trip can make the winter seem longer. I say that whatever you need to do to recharge yourself, should be done whenever and wherever possible. 

Spring is coming, people! I feel it!
Ms.b.haven

Square glasses and side ponytails

My name is Sharon Higley, and I am not a hipster.

There, I said it. It's out there. Everyone knows. I've come clean. I should feel better. But...

So, I've been dealing with chronic self-doubt, anxiety, and general malaise. This happens to all creative types from time to time. For me, it is usually triggered by things totally unrelated to creativity. Tax time seems to be my trigger. The sheer amount of effort involved in my being financially organized is enough to totally defeat me. It starts there and begins a downward spiral into self-pity ending in the realization that I'm not a hipster. Let me explain.

I went to a gathering recently of hipsters, in a similar business as me. I look around and immediately start comparing myself to them. I do not wear square glasses or dress in super-cool vintage clothing. I do not, or will not, wear a side ponytail with artfully blunted bangs. I do not carry a self-created/embellished handbag, nor do I use hipster language, of which I would provide an example but I am so unfamiliar with the slang, I can not. 

Comparing oneself to others is always a bad idea. One cannot know the life of another with enough familiarity to be able to judge them against oneself with any sort of accuracy. I know this. Yet, it is entirely human to do so. These feelings are all too familiar as I have done this my entire life, resulting in making myself acutely aware of...well, myself. 

In high school, I was not particularly athletic, popular, or good at much. I thought drastically differently than pretty much everyone I knew, and it was unsettling. I faded into the background by choice, 'knowing' that I was not really worthy of attention. In college, my artistic ability wasn't particularly outstanding, and my finances would not allow me to dress as I wanted, or dye my hair interesting colors, or go to shows of bands with names no one had ever heard of. As art students, we were required to show EVERYTHING to EVERYBODY and provide ourselves to be ripped up by peer critique. You were constantly compared to your peers as a way of inciting improvement. Right out of school in my chosen profession, it was standard procedure to be compared to and compete with others for the "right" to be able to produce your ideas. That required that you possess a certain flair, naturally or faked, for talking yourself and your ideas up. You HAD to stand out in order to be considered worthy. Always 'knowing' in the back of your mind that you did quite measure up -- someone was ALWAYS better. I believe that is why most graphic designers are in their 20s-30s. You get tired after a while and move into management. Ha.

I made the decision in my later 30s that I was done with that whole thing. I was me, and that was fine. I stopped trying so hard to be different and relaxed in who I was. It was a freeing choice. I stopped this constant comparing of where I was in my career, how my artwork measured up, and whether I was presenting a hipster-enough outward appearance. I became happy with me. I stopped trying to put a label on who I was or what I did. I focused on being a good person, bringing happiness if it was in my power to do so, and making decisions that were responsible, fun, and right for me.

But, every now and then, that old habit comes back. Kind of like when you stopped smoking years ago and decided that one wouldn't hurt, just this once. That first inhale is familiar, a bit comforting, and then disgusting. You make a choice after that first puff -- take up the nasty habit again, or stop and be healthy.

So, I've taken these last few weeks to restart. To stop and be healthy. To remember that I am me and that is ok. My creativity is slowly coming back, not nearly fast enough, but still, I feel the progress. 

Still not a hipster but ok with that,
Ms.b.haven   

the butterfly and the tsunami

Originally posted January 16, 2012

I take my responsibility to my fellow (wo)man pretty seriously. I would never harm another simply because it is within my power to do so. I also trust my fellow (wo)men to do the same. When passing oncoming traffic, I expect that the other person will not cross the center line. I expect that there will not be razor blades in my pizza or arsenic in my latte. We all have an awesome responsibility to each other, not because it's required by law, but because it is the right thing to do. 

Think about how many interactions you have on a daily basis. Like the ones I've mentioned above or others. Hundreds, thousands, millions even, when you are out and about. How many of those have resulted in personal harm? Very few, I would imagine. It's because we trust each other. We fundamentally know what is right and what is wrong, despite differing viewpoints. Yes, there are exceptions. Human nature is not perfect and occasional abnormalities, psychosis, and/or accidents happen. Also, I believe our awareness of how we are interrelated is diminishing. 

I take issue with those telling me that I'm not responsible enough to make my own personal choices. I know what is best for me, and make my decisions accordingly. It has nothing to do with what is legal, in most cases. For (a bad) example, as a teenager, I knew it was against the law to consume alcohol. That did not stop me from drinking nearly every weekend. It did not make the alcohol harder to get in most cases. I made my decision to do it and did it. Now, I'm not saying that underage drinking is right, it isn't. I'm merely illustrating a point. If there is something we desire badly enough, the law and its penalties tend to fade in importance (especially when you are an angst-ridden teen).

I respect others enough to make their own decisions as well. For example, I'll see someone in the grocery store who is unhealthy (by my own standards) putting Cheetos and Mountain Dew in her cart. Do I say anything to her? Hell, no! I am not arrogant enough to judge someone else's choices. She is not harming me by her decisions. Personal choice - I'm a big fan. Do what you want, as long as you understand how your decisions are affecting, or not affecting,  me.

I do not own a gun. Meaning, I do not have one registered in my name. My husband does and I like to shoot them. It's an awesome stress reliever and I like trying to hit targets of increasing difficulty. I like to hunt, but I just can't kill anything - personal choice. I enjoy being outdoors, watching my dog work, and seeing nature in all her glory. I have never been around or known any irresponsible gun owners and I've known a LOT of gun owners. I believe most people respect the power and responsibility they have when they have a gun in their possession. 

Recent events in Connecticut and other places have everyone horrified, and rightly so. Human nature is to DO SOMETHING to prevent something so unfathomable from happening again. We want action! I wish it were as simple as passing more laws saying you can't do this or that. I wish we could guarantee the safety of our children and everyone else in the world by simply signing pieces of paper. The truth is, no matter how many laws we pass or how many speeches we give, it will not matter. What does make a difference is teaching our children right from wrong and our power to cause harm or keep each other safe. The guns are not the issue, it is the lack of awareness of how we fit in with the rest of the world. Of how our choices ripple through the world. Sort of the butterfly and tsunami effect (look it up).

Personal choice rocks,

Ms.b.haven

are you crazy?

Originally published August 22, 2012

I was recently asked what advice I would give to youngsters wanting to start their own business. Ok, this is funny to me. I'm six months in to starting my own business. I should be asking for advice. But as I am never one to shy away from any opportunity to give advice, I gave it a shot. I don't necessarily think the things I've learned the hard way qualifies me as an expert on everything, but I do believe that I can offer you some food for thought. Or at the very least, entertainment. 

Things you should consider before starting your own business, as learned by Ms.b.haven:
 

1. Seriously evaluate if you are crazy. Ask around, people will tell you. Sometimes we make decisions based on emotional events or serious hatred of our current situation. While it's not necessarily wrong to do this, it can color our judgement a bit. If you hate your job sooooo much you would do anything to get out it and decide to start a business without proper consideration of how it will impact your life, you will suffer more than is necessary. Starting a business out of desperation is dangerous. 

2. Believe in yourself. This was the toughest one for me in several ways. Believing in yourself is different from arrogance. Arrogance implies that you know it all. Believing in yourself means knowing who you are -- talents, faults and all. Accepting all of these aspects of who you are is imperative to life as well as business. BELIEVE that you can do this. But be honest with yourself as to your limitations (does not mean they are insurmountable).

3. Work hard. Like really hard. Like really, really hard. When you love what you are doing, this is easier than it sounds. You will/should work harder than you ever thought you could. I'm talking mental work, physical work, creative work (even if you are not thinking of a creative product/business), and social work. When you believe in what you are doing, you will be motivated to do all that is necessary for your business. Shortcuts do not exist, or if they do, proceed with caution.

4. Step outside your comfort zone. If you are uncomfortable doing something, that means that you haven't done it before or that there is some fear of failure. Embrace these opportunities! You will learn from them, I promise. The worst that can happen often doesn't. And if it does, you will come out of it a lot smarter.

5. Listen. People love to deal in worst-case scenarios. It is human nature. Listen, but understand that most folks do not know what your end goals are. On the other hand, a solid support network can be invaluable when those doubts creep up. They also might not know what your end goals are, but trust that you know what you are doing (even if you don't). Ask for help when you need it. There is absolutely no shame in admitting that you need assistance. Misplaced pride will do you more harm than anything.

6. Plan. There are a ton of resources on this topic that say things a lot better than me. PLEASE do not underestimate the importance of having a plan. Write it down. Refer to it. 

7. Love it. You have to be emotionally involved in starting any business. You have to love the hard work, the heartache and the triumphs of owning your own business. But, you also have to remember than it IS a business and may not love you back at times (refer to support network at these times).

8. Give yourself no choice but success. If you have an "escape plan" you will be tempted to use it. What-if's have no place here. You can't plan for everything, but you can plan on succeeding no matter what the circumstances. That's all part of the believing in yourself thing.

There are probably a dozen more things I could add to this list -- flexibility, fearlessness, resourcefulness, etc. While I used these things as advice for newbies, I actually try to apply this list to everything in life. Well, except for the plan part. Ha! Even if you aren't starting a business, think about how you live your life. Do you do everything you can to make yourself happy? If you aren't, why not? 

Crazy like a fox,

Ms.b.haven

six months in

Originally posted August 20, 2012

Yesterday was the six-month anniversary of the opening of b.haven's online store. In those six months, I've made 62 sales, had one fire, four stitches, and had my stuff in three stores in Fargo, Baltimore and New Zealand. I've used every single thing I have ever learned and acquired lots of new knowledge. I've been elated, depressed, productive, not-so-productive, simultaneously hated and loved the post office, and bought more packing tape than I knew even existed (it comes in colors now!).

I have not bought a new pair of shoes in over six months. No new clothes or purses adorn my previously over-stuffed closet, and shopping actually seems like an ordeal these days. Wow, things have changed. While working for the feds, I could be counted on to shop at least once every couple of weeks and new clothes, shoes and purses were borderline obsessions. Now while you may think this is due to the fact that I have less money these days, which is certainly true, that is not the reason my shopping has taken a drastic downturn. 

When you are doing something you aren't in love with (i.e. you are miserable), you over compensate in other areas to make your life happier. Shopping was that for me. I loved the instant gratification and power that comes with buying new things. I felt better in control and it was an easy high to get. The shiny newness of new things were a distraction from what was really bothering me. I bought an Audi. I loved the fact that I had one and no one else did. I liked the prettiness of it and what its uniqueness implied....that I was different. 

Now I have no such inclinations. I'm deliriously happy with this crazy decision to start my own deal and all the chaos and worry that comes with it. My Audi is a paid-off vehicle that gets me from place to place, whose maintenance is always an issue. Clothes and shoes have a more utilitarian role for me now. They need to be able to get dirty, and dry quickly. They need to allow me to move around comfortably and have outstanding durability. My shoe choices are the same. Are they comfortable while I'm on my feet for hours and hours during the day? Can they get wet and dusty and still provide me with enough traction to navigate my often treacherous studio floor? These are the things I think about now, its not simply a "oooohhh pretty" reaction that gets my cash. 

The thing is, I'm happy. I need fewer distractions from my own life. I'm DOING what I've always wanted, I'm actually doing it! Every day is not paradise, mind you, but honestly I would not change my life, and the people in it, for the world. Do you feel this way about your life? I really, really, really hope so. If you don't, do something about it. There is no better feeling, I promise.

Now get to work, you are probably late for something,

Ms.b.haven