Wednesday, January 30, 2013

six months in

Originally posted August 20, 2012

Yesterday was the six-month anniversary of the opening of b.haven's online store. In those six months, I've made 62 sales, had one fire, four stitches, and had my stuff in three stores in Fargo, Baltimore and New Zealand. I've used every single thing I have ever learned and acquired lots of new knowledge. I've been elated, depressed, productive, not-so-productive, simultaneously hated and loved the post office, and bought more packing tape than I knew even existed (it comes in colors now!).

I have not bought a new pair of shoes in over six months. No new clothes or purses adorn my previously over-stuffed closet, and shopping actually seems like an ordeal these days. Wow, things have changed. While working for the feds, I could be counted on to shop at least once every couple of weeks and new clothes, shoes and purses were borderline obsessions. Now while you may think this is due to the fact that I have less money these days, which is certainly true, that is not the reason my shopping has taken a drastic downturn. 

When you are doing something you aren't in love with (i.e. you are miserable), you over compensate in other areas to make your life happier. Shopping was that for me. I loved the instant gratification and power that comes with buying new things. I felt better in control and it was an easy high to get. The shiny newness of new things were a distraction from what was really bothering me. I bought an Audi. I loved the fact that I had one and no one else did. I liked the prettiness of it and what its uniqueness implied....that I was different. 

Now I have no such inclinations. I'm deliriously happy with this crazy decision to start my own deal and all the chaos and worry that comes with it. My Audi is a paid-off vehicle that gets me from place to place, whose maintenance is always an issue. Clothes and shoes have a more utilitarian role for me now. They need to be able to get dirty, and dry quickly. They need to allow me to move around comfortably and have outstanding durability. My shoe choices are the same. Are they comfortable while I'm on my feet for hours and hours during the day? Can they get wet and dusty and still provide me with enough traction to navigate my often treacherous studio floor? These are the things I think about now, its not simply a "oooohhh pretty" reaction that gets my cash. 

The thing is, I'm happy. I need fewer distractions from my own life. I'm DOING what I've always wanted, I'm actually doing it! Every day is not paradise, mind you, but honestly I would not change my life, and the people in it, for the world. Do you feel this way about your life? I really, really, really hope so. If you don't, do something about it. There is no better feeling, I promise.

Now get to work, you are probably late for something,

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