Wednesday, January 30, 2013

ego in a bottle

Originally posted November 23, 2012

It's the day after Thanksgiving and I think I'm still stuffed! Being so far away from family, I made an extra-special attempt to make a great meal for my little family. I think I did an outstanding job, by the way. Ha! 

Last weekend was the Fargo Pride of Dakota show and I think it went particularly well. I met a lot of very interesting people who asked some very interesting questions. The most curious one to me, and the one I heard most frequently, was "you MADE this?" While that is flattering that my stuff looks like it wasn't handmade, it was also a little funny to me. How do I explain that while every single item I sell is special to me in some way? That each and every one has a story behind it, and that while they may communicate light and happy messages, most of my work is the result of turning a difficult or sad situation into something else? I explained the stories behind them if I noticed an interest or if they would stand still long enough. Poor people...I was the gabby "vendor" that took too much of their time trying to convince them that my stuff WAS special. <sigh> I need to work on that. If someone enjoys my stuff, just let them enjoy it, is what I tell myself...later.

What I took away from the show was a feeling I wish I could bottle and keep for those times when I think, "what the hell am I doing?" I felt a sense of happiness and accomplishment that I was connecting with people. The folks that would come into my booth and chuckle at something they saw there, or those that shared part of their lives with me, regardless if they bought something, made my heart smile. My ego was soothed, my inner voice that screams you-are-too-(enter self-loathing adjective here), was silenced for a bit. 

We spend a whole day this time of year being thankful for whatever we are thankful for. We feel the need to name specific things at the dinner table or at family gatherings. I think that's awesome, really I do. What I try to work on personally, however, is feeling that sense of thankfulness and gratitude way more than once a year. I continue to strive to be worthy of this life I'm living every single day. Sometimes, all day even. Ha! No, seriously, I owe everyone I come in contact with something of myself for being a part of my world. It is the only way I feel whole inside, and the only way I know how to live a happy life. Ok, that was a bit more revealing that I intended to get in this post, but I'm feeling all emotional today. You can roll your eyes if you want. Taken at surface value, this whole post does seem a bit like insincere gibberish ("does she REALLY believe that?!"). I'm ok with that. Maybe its the tryptophan.

Happy leftovers,

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